It’s been a while since I blogged.
And I’m truly sorry.
I’ve been trying my best to bottle everything up, like I used to in the past.
But it doesn’t seem to work.
I’ve been thinking for a long while.
About this group of friends.
I’m not too sure if I should call them that in the first place.
I have this clique in my school.
And within this clique, there’s another clique.
And I’m honestly not bothered at all by the existence of this other clique.
But it makes me wonder when I don’t get treated the way I was before.
Did I do some shit to you for you to be like that to me?
Every time they go out, I try not to get involved.
Well, most of the time I’m not invited.
I have to self-invite myself to spend time with them.
Wow. Just wow.
I have to do one of the things I hate the most in this world to maintain my ‘friendship’.
So…is it really worth it?
I don’t know.
I like being a social butterfly now.
I have many friends, yes.
But I feel so damn bloody lonely.
There’s not that group of close friends I used to have.
And I really do miss having that bunch of people I used to have to be able to rant and rant to.
However, I can’t trust anyone else the same way I used to.
And so I decided to just pour it out here.
Onto this platform,
Onto this playground of feelings.
In hopes that I will feel better.
And that one day, I would reopen this page,
And laugh at the things that happened in my life,
Because all of it is worth it.
May Allah guide me to the path of righteousness…
And may he forgive me for all my sins and wrongdoings…
And may the people I’ve hurt forgive me for my wrongdoings…
For I am a man who does too much wrong…
To too many people…
Act like your age.
It’s a cycle.
You respect others.
Others respect you.
It’s a freaking PUBLIC space.
YOU didn’t buy that space.
So you have NO right to tell others what to do.
There’s no need to comment on things UNNECESSARILY.
Comments that could lead to PROBLEMS.
If you had just kept it to yourself, there wouldn’t be ANY issue.
I hope you CHANGE.
I hope you SEE where I’m coming from.
I sincerely apologize if I’ve caused too much discomfort in your PUBLIC space.
But just so you know, you are not a fucking KING.
You are like one of us.
A consumer, that is all.
You are ONE of US.
Like it or not.
That is a FACT you cannot change.
I’m pretty sure your life is kind of FUCKED up.
PLEASE, try to ensure that it either STAYS that way,
It doesn’t get ANY WORSE than it already is.
The LEAST you could do,
Is to let others have their own PRIVACY.
There’s no need to TROUBLE others,
JUST for the sake of
Don’t think that, the world fucking REVOLVES around you.
Don’t fucking dare to think, the world cannot SURVIVE without you.
Please change for the sake of humanity.
Thank you so much.
It’s been a mind blogging day for me.
I met too many people whom I know with no intentions.
I got mindfucked when I reached home.
From today onwards…
Everything will change.
Today came to school as per normal.
After school went to prayers andhad a dry run for the camp I’ll be helping out on as a GL next friday.
So after the meeting, haziq told me to slack with for a while.
And there I was, already suspecting that they are gonna throw a surprise ‘party’.
As I braced myself, apparently, it didn’t came.
Then he said okay let’s go eat. So I went out with him and then suddenly I saw a cake beside me.
AND I WAS SHOCKED.
Apparently, I went to the surprise HAHA.
So after that, we went down to the first floor.
They said they wanted to bring me out for dinner.
Go Pizza Hut at Tampines Mall.
And there were actually some people left in the room, so we had to wait for them.
According to what I heard lah haha.
In the end they actually brought down pizzas and I got MINDFUCKED AGAIN.
They didn’t buy pizza hut, dominos~, but still it’s like bringing the shop to me wahahha!
After eating, they decided okay we should go dinner because there were not enough pizzas to…you know… fill our tummy :)
Haha, there were only three pizzas, one extra large and the other two were regulars.
Went to simpang bedok SPIZE! for dinner.
Had roti john there.
I don’t know why I always bedal roti john at every shop at simpang bedok.
On the way back, met someone pretty.
Haha, a friend of Ziq’s, Zim’s and Shida’s HAHA.
All of my friends were disturbing me, I only looked at her and they were putting words into my mouth saying I want to ask for her number and some shit.
AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE REFERRING TO HER FRIEND!
I GOT MINDFUCKED AGAIN ON THE WAY HOME IN THE CAR WHEN SHE GOT INTO ZIM’S CAR AT THE BUSSTOP ZOMG.
HAHA, so it was kinda awkward…
And DYLAN! YOUR CALL MADE IT MORE AWKWARD THEN IT ALREADY IS!
So once again I wanna thank my friends for surprising me :)
In alphabetical order as follows :)
Dylan, Ethan, Faizul, Farris, Haidar, Hazim, Haziq, Nurul, Sakinah, Shidah, Syahir, Zulhilmi.
LOVE YOU GUYS <3
SEE YA PEEPZ ON MONDAY! ^^
As much as I want to, I’d rather not, because I know I’ll only make things worse.
Stay strong, like the person I used to talk to, like the person I used to know.
Wohoho it’s been a long time since i updated my blog wahaha!
Sorry for not updating as frequently as last time :)
And a warning before you read on, I’m gonna be a big bitch in this post.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED…..
Haha, well a lot of things have been going on lately.
I don’t know if I should rant about it here, because it’s a bit too personal…
But it’s my own personal blog so what the heck!
Well, ever since my last update, let’s just say life has been a real roller coaster ride.
I lost many things which are dear to me.
But with every lost there is a gain.
And so (you don’t say meme) I’ve gained many new things too.
I’m not really content with life.
As a fellow human being I couldn’t agree more with the saying “We will never be
content with what we have.”
But sometimes, we just have to suck it up and continue with life because life goes
Yeah sure sometimes I feel like jumping down from my room, but that wouldn’t
In fact it’ll just make things worse.
I have to be mature and think about the aftermath of suicide.
And yes I am, at least I can confidently say this, not so stupid enough to actually
So now I think I have evolved into a social butterfly.
At least I hope so.
I used to believe in having many close friends.
Now I don’t.
Things happen, people change.
And with the fact that your best mates, or ex-best mates now, could actually do
the things they did, it’s actually hard to swallow the fact that the ideal world of
friendship don’t exist in my dictionary anymore.
I do wish that it did.
I really did.
Here I am feeling so stupid that about 2 years back, on the same bed, thinking
about how my friendships with the others would last till we are damn old.
I did what I could.
And I would sincerely appreciate if the other party did something too.
You see currently there is two cliffs.
Me on one side, and the other cliff is filled with people who used to be the world
I am trying my best to get across but if they don’t want to help, what’s the point.
It’s not like as if I don’t want to come and pretend like everything is okay.
Apparently it’s not.
And I don’t think it’ll ever be.
Until they grow up, and be more like adults instead of teenagers.
I know you talk behind my back.
I know about almost everything.
So it is really stupid to say I have no idea what is going on.
And even if we came back on good terms, I don’t think that I would be able to
trust you the same as I did before.
I mean, shit happened once, it can happen again.
I should have known it’ll eventually happen to me, maybe I was just too blind to
I mean we badmouth about so many people, I should have kept my guard up as that ‘many people’ could be me too.
Anyways, I just wish you all the best.
Mark my words, one day, the same thing will happen to you.
It happened to me, and before it did, somebody warned me about this happening.
Apparently, somebody whom I badmouthed about.
After this incident I do believe in the fact that you’ll get what you deserve.
Maybe after being all two-faced with everyone around me, I got what I deserved.
And you better prepare for what’s coming.
One day I do hope I can reset this whole relationship.
One day, just not today.
Not next week.
Not anytime soon.
But the day will come.
For someone who’s smart.
You are stupid.
And yes I am belittling you.
Give me a reason not to.
At least I know who I can trust now.
And with that I shall invest my time on them.
People whom I’ve neglected to be closer to people who backstabbed.
You have no idea how much.
I may be bastero.
I may be an ass.
I may be a jerk.
But at least, after all that’s happened, I’m more mature than you.
Mature enough to say sorry, even when I didn’t know I did something to hurt you.
And did you accept my apology? I HAVE NO IDEA MAN.
Okay enough about that.
School’s starting soon!
23rd April seems to be coming in a jiffy.
I feel like I need more time to really relax.
I’ve had so many nights where I just stare at the ceiling thinking about everything.
I’ve decided I won’t talk to people as much.
I’ve decided I won’t get close with people.
Just touch on the surface and that’s it.
It’s stupid, but it’ll work.
So to put it bluntly, I’m abandoning almost everyone.
Like what my ex bestie told me, don’t always think about others.
Well, I guess it’s time I be selfish.
If that’s what you want, that’s what you’ll get.
Like what my ex asked me,
“Why is it you always try to make others happy?”
The answer is simple.
I find happiness in the smiles of others.
I like to make others feel happy.
It’s weird, but it’s satisfying.
I believe that if you sacrifice for them, they’ll sacrifice for you.
But then now I realize some of them take advantage of that.
Haha, so be careful.
Haha okay I guess that’s about it.
Until next time~
Oh and before I forget.
Stay safe, and don’t do anything stupid.
Wah I reread my entire post and it makes me sound like a douche who’s just
longing for sweet revenge.
HAHAHA, maybe I am…
Haha, I just got back from camp.
Well, not really luh, I’ve been back since yesterday but I was too beat to actually
type a post so I just went straight to bed.
So the camp was awesome, though it was quite badly planned, haha.
I think we did a pretty awesome job with so many impromptus and last minute
arrangements and stuff like that.
There was a bbq at the end of the second day, did you know the school has three
bbq pits near the general office?
Also on top of that, there’s two portable pits at the ISH.
Haha, the school has changed quite a bit.
Now, I see more plants that decorate the school.
I think it’s a bit too much.
There’s hardly any yellow on the buildings.
The back staircase is now black in colour, and it looks awful.
Since it was a day camp, I went to sleepover at Zuhaili’s place with Hidayat and
We watched Wujud 2 and Dylan Dog.
And Dylan Dog was awesomely boring.
We all slept before it reached 30 minutes into the show.
Before we watched those movies, we actually went to the newly opened sports
complex near Downtown east to eat dinner at macs.
Then we walked back from there, following the park’s route.
And we scared ourselves with ghost stories.
There was this bit where I realized I was sweating a bit too much, and I said that
I was sweating a bit too much ( -_-||| ??? ), and at the end of the ‘much’ in my
sentence, we heard a howl.
Like a wolf kinda howl, and it completely made me have goosebumps.
Haha, we felt safe when we saw moving cars, but we didn’t feel safe when it came
towards us HAHA.
Also, urban areas made us feel like ghosts won’t come near us, though that’s not
exactly the case… ~_~
Okay I’m off to get as much rest I can get.
I’m having a freaking fever on a freaking holiday which totally sucks.
See ya world~
Stay healthy, stay happy. ^^
HOLIDAYS ARE HERE ZOMG.
I DONT HAVE TO WAKE UP EARLY ANYMORE ^^
Today I’ll be sending Haziq to the airport with Zul.
Meeting them at 2.45pm later.
Also, on monday and tuesday, I’ll be having my councillor camp at Pasir Ris Crest,
That’s gonna be nostalgic to the extreme-mest.
Tomorrow, I’ll be having my kompang session as per normal but I’m quite disappointed
that only one person is needed and so Indra won’t be needed.
My bro and sis are back from KL, and they got me a keychain and a watch.
Okay that’s about all. haha
I’m sorry I haven’t been updating much recently.
I’ve been sleeping early for the past few weeks.
I am normally knocked-out at around 10+pm or sometimes even 9+pm.
Even though we don’t do much during lesson time for attachments, I guess the
part where we have to wake up early really drains my body, I don’t know about
Yesterday I went bowling with my LTT mates at downtown east.
To those who weren’t invited I’m sorry to say, I wasn’t the organizer and the
organizer would have probably invited you if the organizer knows you.
Anyways, we had fun! ^^
After that we went to have dinner at BBQ chicken, then got my hands on some of
Did you know that they would serve the blizzard upside down?
HAHA, mindfuck moment.
I’m sorry I posted only a little today, but I’ll try to post everyday starting from
Monday to entertain you guys a bit haha.
Stay Happy People.
Today I had kompang, met my boys at 9am but this time the meeting place was at
my uncle’s place.
And since I was sleeping over at his place…
I just lazed around and watched tv while waiting for their arrival.
Sadly today, seemed like a bad day for each one of us.
Everyone seemed to be really tired and you could see it in their faces that they would
do anything to get a few minutes of sleep.
I slept at 3am and I couldn’t sleep all the way till 4am.
I remembered going to the toilet at 4.15am.
So even I didn’t have enough sleep.
When I came home, I was minding my own business when my mom started scolding
She told me to renew my sis and my passports by today.
So I told her after 7pm, because I just reached home.
Oh by the way, this was around 5pm~5.30pm.
She then told me that she was going out at 6pm.
And that I have to finish renewing her passport by then.
Then I’m like…so last minute -.-
I hate last minute plans.
While setting up the laptop and white background, my dad started scolding me. -.-
Telling me to go to the shop to get bread.
And I told him, after I do the online passport thing, and he got in a really bad
Saying things like I am useless and stuff.
So I just wore my jeans, took my wallet and ran down to the nearest store,
bought a loaf of bread and ran back up.
Then while going through the passport renewal online, my mom scolded me again.
Saying things like I was insincere about doing this.
And I’m like…
W-W- WHAT -T-T
T-T- THE -E-E
F-F- FUCK -K-K
I’m planning to go sleep before they come home because I don’t feel like talking to
them at all.
Oh and in case you’re wondering what’s up with the title,
My eyes are failing me.
I can’t see properly these days.
I should go get my eyes checked.
Maybe I need to start wearing glasses.
Today I had a great time fooling people in school.
I’m so interested to see the reactions of other people when someone points to
No words, no nothing.
So while I was walking past many people, I pointed downwards.
I think about 40% of my preys looked at that direction, either afterwards or
Haha, it just shows how much we are curious about what others are thinking/talking
But, out of the many pranks I pulled today, I helped a guy spot his $10 note lying on the floor.
Job well done Nawfal, job well done.
Anyways, I feel the need to go get glasses.
My eyesight is getting worst.
I can’t see as far as I could.
I can’t see as clearly as I could.
Could this possibly mean that I’m growing old?
LTT was terrible.
We had to use the hacksaw today.
And the teacher didn’t tell us we were given the wrong hacksaw until the end of
the entire lesson.
He wanted us to go and so called “find-out” ourselves.
We had to cut a steel plate into several pieces.
Normally, we should be using a saw with about approximately 32 teeth per inch.
We were given a saw with about 18 teeth per inch.
That’s around half!!!
So that would mean, in layman’s terms, twice the effort needed to cut the steel
But nevermind, haha.
I’ll remember to check my tools next time.
And make sure that it’s the correct one.
Lesson learnt from a mistake made by yourself, expensive way of learning.
Lesson learnt from a mistake made by someone else, cheapest way of learning.
Wahhhhh, I know it’s been a really long time since I updated and I’m so so so very
Ever since my attachment started, I’ve been sleeping way way early.
I found myself yawning like a buffalo at 10+pm, and I’ll be asleep by 11pm.
Haha, I guess I’m just that tired.
Anyways, I woke up late for prayers today.
It’s 7am now.
Normally I wake up at 6.15am, do my prayers, go back to sleep and wake up at
But since I woke up late today, I don’t think I should go to sleep, I’m afraid I won’t be
able to wake up on time later.
Today my class will be having our first practical, and I’m excited honestly :)
And to my surprise, our meeting location will be at block 34.
I’ve been in TP for almost 2 years, and I swear I’ve never heard of a block 34 in my
whole two years in TP.
I’ll try my best to update more on a regular basis. :)
I’ll try to update tonight aites ^^.
School started on Tuesday for me.
My holidays were finally over.
LTT, is somewhat fun yet boring at the same time.
The lecture is too dry for me, yet the lecturer is funny at times.
Not because he can make jokes, but because he instantly forgets everything he
teaches in the next few minutes.
Apparently life’s taking some really weird turns here and there nowadays.
I find myself totally confused and staring into blank space to be quite common.
I am honestly shocked from that recent incident.
And I think it’s gonna take a while for me to actually get back on course.
And I can help but to overthink, and assume for every single actions they do.
I really do hope I am WRONG.
Because if I happen to be right, oh shit, I’m so gonna feel like an ass.
I wont say my personal opinions on it, but I feel that though it was necessary,
The approach wasn’t.
The situation wasn’t.
The people who were around weren’t.
As much as I thought I was ready to be sounded at,
I still can’t help but thank, those who tried to help me.
And I won’t say I fucking hate those who didn’t.
I mean, it’s a matter concerning only two of us, others shouldn’t actually get
involved in the first place, so yeah.
You see, now that this has happened, I have no idea if I should actually come to
you to tell you that I’ve told her I’m gonna stop talking to her.
Or wait for you to find out for yourself.
Because I’m afraid that if I show you the conversation I had with her,
You’re gonna get pissed.
So, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry, like I said countless times on that day.
And in case you don’t perceive it as sincerity, I’m telling you now.
I was being sincere.
I am still being sincere.
Okay now on to another topic.
I’ve noticed, too many.
Much TOO MANY, to the extent whereby I can’t take it anymore.
I mean, you tell me.
What is it you are trying to show?
What is it you are trying to prove?
What is it you are trying to hide?
Honestly, I respected you.
But then, I’ve noticed the change.
And I can’t say I respect you as much as I did before.
But I still do respect you, just not as much.
Don’t always think that just because you have connections, you’ll be safe.
Because, at the rate you’re going, you’ll never know when it’s your turn to be…
Haha, as much as I want to fuck you in the face publicly, I’d rather not,
Because it’ll make me seem like the asshole.
So, I have no choice, but to let karma fuck you in the face publicly instead.
Moving on to a more happier note;
Me and my girl had breakfast today :)
I had fun crashing her lecture yesterday :)
I’m having fun with the time I spent being around her :)
Though I didn’t manage to meet her for lunch today :(
Now that’s a way to end a blogpost. ^^
Hola, it’s been a while.
My nights have been rather busy the past few days.
I barely have time to do anything.
I’ve been coming up with a business plan with my uncle.
Haha, won’t go into details about that boring stuff here.
Anyways, here’s what I’ve been doing the past few days, during the day that is.
On Friday, I played soccer.
On Saturday, I went for kompang training.
On Sunday, I went for kompang, then went to Shangri La Hotel at Siloso Beach.
I stayed overnight for two nights.
I had fun there.
I saw many things, including 10 monkeys, 2 peacocks and a huge number of chicks.
I came back on Tuesday, and I was disappointed to see that I haven’t receive my
I called the guy and he told me he’ll transfer the money the next day.
On Wednesday, I went to check my Bank Balance and sadly, haha, still no $$$.
So I called the guy and he explained to me in detail what went wrong.
Turns out H&M haven’t sent GMP our timecards and because of that they are
unable to calculate the number of hours we worked for the entire 2 weeks.
Managers of H&M, please do so asap, because I am in need of $$$.
Currently in my bank: $13.40.
Yesterday something interesting happened.
I crashed my girl’s lecture at 6pm.
She seemed really tired, and she yawned a lot.
Haha, she even teared up.
I don’t know if I did anything wrong, but that sent me thinking a lot.
If I did something wrong, please tell me dear.
Because I’m left here clueless haha.
So after her bus arrived, I went to meet my guise.
And lepak, as usual.
Mat Rep Mah~
What To Do~
Other Than Lepak And Hisap Rokok~
After most of them left, there were only 4 of us.
Me, Zam, Miks, and Dol.
Maliah came to meet us at around 10pm+.
She was alone in the hostel, and was scared.
And she was like “I’d rather be awkward than scared.”
We shall talk soon aites?
It’s been a while since we had a decent talk.
At one point in our life, we’ll definitely feel this way.
Haha, now one of my bros feels this way.
A word of advice,
Okay, more like a MANY words of advice. ^^
In my opinion, everything in life is chained to each other.
Like how when we’re all happy, we can make one individual who’s not happy to feel
Or like how when we’re all down, we can make one individual who’s not down to feel
Apparently, me having a girlfriend has proved to be quite unbelievable to many
And I’m loving the expressions they give when they just found out about it.
I don’t look at it as an insult, to me it’s more of an entertainment.
I like how I’ve encouraged my other friends to actually feel more motivated and
think more positively.
When they found out I have a girlfriend, this was during one of our hookah nights,
Some of them were going like “My turn is next guys.”
On the other hand, I’m sorry to those I’ve disappoint.
I guess I shouldn’t have given them false hopes, saying I wouldn’t get one before
This clearly, has demoralized them greatly.
OR MAYBE NOT >.<
I don’t know.
But it’s sad…
So what made me move on?
Haha, that’s a question that would be interesting to know right? :)
And the answer, only a few would know.
But I won’t say anything, so as to not let anyone feel hurt.
I’ve been feeling rather sick these past few days.
Firstly, my flu hasn’t been going away ever since I started working at H&M.
And on Monday, I had some bad diarrhea.
I threw up for a total of 7 times from 2am till 6am.
I didn’t managed to sleep well that day.
Also, on Tuesday, right before I go off to meet my anja <3, I checked my
The reading was 38.5.
I have a fever too -.-
I went to cut my hair yesterday.
Now I look like a secondary school boy.
Still, yesterday I went out with anja to celebrate our monthsary.
We went to watch the three musketeers at cathay.
She felt bad because I felt sick.
She said that I should have just slept at home instead of going off.
But I told her…
“I am a strong man.”